***

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a
chance to get its pants on." --Winston Churchill (attributed)

                            ***

David's wife is mad at him, because he forgot her birthday.

Quick-witted, David says, "Sweetheart, how do you expect me
to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"

-------------------

 As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station,
our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you worthless
morons fall out!"

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained standing
at attention.

The Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me,
and then raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure
was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"

A city slicker was visiting a dude ranch and being showed
around. As they were walking the visitor said to one of the
cowhands. "Are we going to be driving that big bunch of cows
over there?"

The hired hand replied, "Not bunch, it's a herd."

"Heard what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Sure I've heard of cows, "exclaimed the slicker, "there's a
bunch of 'em right over there."